


V is for Voe

by shir0ch4n



Series: He's Not That Bad [22]
Category: The Legend of Zelda: Hyrule Warriors
Genre: ABC Challenge, Gen, Never Possessed!AU, and we're back to our scheduled humor, to the desert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-07
Updated: 2019-09-07
Packaged: 2020-10-11 14:42:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20547854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shir0ch4n/pseuds/shir0ch4n
Summary: Hylian man is very confused and very hot.





	V is for Voe

The sun scorched the arid land below. Its unforgiving rays kissed the dunes and the people who inhabited them. Bleaching one and darkening the other. This does not bother the denizens of the desert, in fact they thrive in it. Building bazaars and towns in oases. Eventually leading to a kingdom and palace. All entirely lead by women. The Gerudo were an ancient race, molded by the harshness of their home, and built to withstand anything.

Hylians on the other hand have to be absolutely  _ mental _ to travel that far into the desert. Which was what Vincent thought as he tried to keep cool in one of the outer oasis bazaars. Although everyone was free to travel the desert, Gerudo Town was very strict on their  _ no man  _ policy. And so he had to wait elsewhere for their informant.  _ But by Din it was hot.  _ Even in the shade it was still sweltering, that informant better arrive soon or he might just turn into a puddle in this heat. Now that he thought about it,  _ whom,  _ did they send here. There was no way a hylian can withstand this place for an  _ hour,  _ let alone a week.

As the troop pondered this someone came into his view. And his jaw dropped. A gorgeous gerudo woman had arrived with two servants. She was decked out in all sorts of finery; circlet, earrings, necklaces, bracelets, rings, you name it. She wore an elegant attire that blended perfectly with armor, with the exception of a sheer veil over the upper half of her face hiding minute details. Her body was toned and athletic, as is the case with the Gerudo, but somehow it seemed a bit more so than usual. Basically she was the prime example of a Gerudo elite. Now Vincent can see why so many would flock here, if just to be able to even have a chance at glancing at one of these beauties.

Distracted he didn't realize that the woman was headed in his direction until she was practically in his face. All logic flew out of the window as he attempted to speak. All that came out was a high pitched squeak of “I’M MARRIED!” He remembered a tradition of the Gerudo was to go out and find men to marry or mate with. So he said what he thought was important at the time. Unfortunately he read the situation wrong as the gerudo stopped in her tracks and burst out laughing. A deep belly laugh that was bordering on hysterical.

Red faced from not just the heat anymore, Vincent slowly came the realization that this woman was most likely the informant he had to meet with. And that her laugh was starting to sound suspiciously familiar.  _ Very _ familiar. Embarrassment turned to horror as he realized the laugh was the exact same laugh he had heard before, if somewhat huskier now. He had to ask, because it was just impossible for it to be him, but just in case it was him. “ _ Volga?!”  _ He managed to squeak out. Goddesses he was going to turn into a mouse with all the squeaking he did.

Yet to his further mortification the woman managed to nod amidst “her” giddy fit.

“Wha- how- I mean- wha?!” Vincent spluttered. He was thoroughly confused and horrified at the knowledge that he was  _ checking his friend out _ . He needed answers dindammit.

“I  _ *wheeze*  _ I was, oh Hylia! Did you hear your voice?! I was ch-ch-chosen t-t-to- I can't do this. Lana! Oh goddesses,” she turned around to control her mirth as one of the “servants” walked forward. How the hell did he not notice she had blue hair. Oh, she didn't have blue hair, it was black now. Looking at the now raven sorceress he silently pleaded for her to explain what was going on.

Despite her own giggles she managed to explain the, quite frankly hilarious, situation. Apparently the princess had held a secret audience with one of the gerudo guards. She, Kara, had explained that they feared there was an interloper among their ranks but had no way of discreetly weeding them out as they all know each other. So she proposed to the princess that she offer someone to “tour” the palace and listen to the walls. But they also had to be well trained, otherwise they will not gain any respect. And a woman for, obvious reasons. Of course they will try to make the lucky female appear as gerudo as possible but there were a few problems with that. One being that naturally occurring redheads among Hylians was quite rare, especially in castletown and the area around it where most of their female soldiers are from. Two, no Hylian woman was as tall as a gerudo, it was just too tall even with heels. And Impa could not go as she would stick out and she needed to be at the princess’ side at all times in case of an attack.

The dilemma was resolved when one lost, red headed, 7 foot, knight barged in by accident looking for a different conference room he was suppose to be at. With a bit of magic and a wardrobe change he became Visalia, an ex guardswoman who was honorably discharged due to a grievous injury. She then traveled around Hyrule gaining an enormous amount of wealth due to the fact that she had found a vein of precious gems in Death Mountain. Feeling homesick she returned to see how much had changed in the palace and requested a tour of it and to stay for a week.

The rest, as they say, is history. She was well received, told all of the gossip, discreetly found the mole, and was to be escorted home, end of story.

“But what are you two doing here?” Vincent queried. Cia had revealed herself as the second, now blonde, “servant” while Lana explained the events leading up to the encounter.

“Oh, that's simple. We're Visalia's handmaidens to help her out with her ‘grievous injury.’” 

“ The spell we used to turn him into a woman actually needs to be constantly redone so this was the least suspicious way we could do it.” Cia cut in.

“Aaaannd you were ok with all this?” He turned towards the bespeckled knight.

“Of course. Why, should I not be?” The genuine look of confusion was what really got to Vincent. Of course the dragon knight wouldn't have a problem with this, his whole family was like this. How could he expect anything less.

“No, you shouldn't have any logical reason to not be ok with this,” the troop then slyly queried, “ Sooooo, what’s it like?”

Knowing exactly what he meant the hybrid merely stated, “Eh, different. Not bad but not really my thing.”

“Really, why?”

“My center of gravity has really shifted and I need to be more careful when I walk in tight spaces. And believe or not I actually can't fit in most places I used to be able to.”

“Yeah. Big, busty, and hippy couldn't fit between two walls!” Cia guffawed.

“They were too close together!”

“Oh! Don't forget the hidden crawl space under the palace!” Lana squealed.

“You said you wouldn't tell anyone about that!” Volga shrieked. “Whatever, lets go to the inn and change me back. Kara had better hold up her end of the deal.” Swishing around he sashayed off in the direction of an inconspicuous building to the left, jewelry swaying perfectly with the movement.

“...so, how long did he practice doing that?”

“Two days.”

**Author's Note:**

> Haha yes we're back to humor.
> 
> I have the whole thing already completed but I will still take requests within this AU for our favorite dragon knight.
> 
> Give me art and see my art go here: [shir0ch4ns-art](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/shir0ch4ns-art)


End file.
